going against it..

finall i decided to go against what i have decided earlier...
anyways...

this is what i thought to drop by
but was not possible..

Hi,

I just called u up to say that i am quite upset with what all is going on these day with me..
I tried to forget but its not possible for me..
and finally I decided that i would go against my destiny ..
though i know its quite risky.. but want to take it.. because i am also not happy the other way round.

I totally agree to your point that I am going too fast and we should just start beign friend and smooth process should go on..

The problem is i haven't thought like that, I want to give u and myself enough time to decide what our fate. But I dont know what happens in last two days with you. i found a lot difference between the one and last day..

Anyways just in simple words,i want to tell u that, 'I like you' and want to make it very clear that I am proceeding in the same direction.


I dont know what to say but this what i have as of now..
I want you to think and do respond..
Just remember one think you can trust me and i wont be lying at all at any moment of time..
And if at all any such scenerio would hit me i would inform u well ahead...

Regards,



waitied for something to happen on its own..

i lost my wish to my destiny..

the time has finished there no chances that I would be getting a call now..
i wont mind saying that i am disheartened.. totally..

she was sweet ... sry, I mean she is sweet but I think i am not upto it..

whatever be the reason..
I quit...

there would be very less posibility that i would be turning back..

But seriously want to ask my destiny what the reason behind this ..and why ...
leave it...

I still believe..(sry, thinks) whatever happens for its own good....

destiny

today she is back from her hometown..
nothing changed... I was waiting for some call or xyz... but nothing happened..

I cant do like anyother boy.. ki piche pad jaate hai...
hamesha call sms and all that..

i need to wait for some signal.. to proceed further..

and i was missing that...
she is too straight.... waise sach bolo to itna nahi hona chahiye..

koi na...

finally during lunch she crossed me..
she float a smile and same did I.

nothing else..

fianlly after a huge discussion with my friends..
I called her..

Hi ***
Hi...

Had your lunch..
yes..

Have u gone back upstair..
no.. i am just walking in the coridors with my friends..

Okes, was just asking so howsz.... by the way.. if you r busy then we can talk later...

yes actually with friends would call later..bye..
bye..


ssame response..
yaar itna nahi..this is actuallly a little more..
now there can only be following reasons..

> ignoring me..
>attitude..
>taking her sweet time to adjust..

for the first 2 reason i think i should stop trying..
and for the last whoes possibility is quite less.ss.s... i should keep trying..

but for that u should have that signal ..which is missing like anything..
i have started feeling..that she is not interested..
though could not believe it as I dont find any specific reason in previous 3-4 days..which can lead to this scenerio.

Anyways..
as discussed..
I have left for destiny...
If she dont call even today..
then i think we should call it an ...

she is really sweet..
and her smile...can do anything or made me to do anythink...

but ....

I pray.. i got a call today.. otherwise.. its destiny...
please God...
please...

new,,,

its a long time... and seriously along time when i am to pen down somthing just to take that out...

I dont now what is happening with me...
but something good is happening thats all I know till know..

I got transfered to Noida... I dont like it...the new place.. the new people..
Noida is stupid place..where i felt everybody just want to be at big bazar to buy stuff in GIP..

anyways who the helll cares.. I dont like that...and i am not here to write anything abt bigbazar..

I got a nice roommate... who is gud as an over alll flat mate is consider..
thanks to God.. he made it easy to find..one..

after few days.. I got promopted to ITA..
is a huge change...in life..
to be an ITA in 3 years in TCS is remarkable and seriously it is...

though i still found something was missing in life...
i could nt understand what was actually missing...
i got my landmark which i set on joining the company..

bu what nexxt..

noida was proving to be a good place for me...

it started off well..
people like the work i was delivering...
and i was acknowledged...

but still something was missing...

was something special was there in Noida 2 that i was made to shift to noida..


I dont know..
i keep on wondering why...

my teammate was okes types.. as it was a mixture of gud..ok..and bad..

Neha became a friend of mine...
and introduced me to a friend of her.. Stuti..

and later in the evening give an idea to think abt it..

i was already in love with the sweet smile she carry along with her...
i found the offer quite impressive when they told abt her in detail..

then I keep Neha bugging to make me see her..
but Stuti was not interesed...she want to get away from the situation..
and dont waant to indulge in any..knoe what

Neha and one of her other friends..put a condition for me..
they ask me to loose..4 kg in a month and then they will ask her to meet me..

i did every thing,,
was on sprouts..and fruits totally to meet the target,,
though target was not easy.. but my dedication made it look physically easy.. ;)


finally i was informed that i should try and not let her go like this..

but i could nt still make efforts to start tallking..




the issue was not about courage only... but also about caste...
she was sinha...the only caste my family wwas bothered most..

anyways I went to family and was finally able to convience them..
i still dont knw why i did that but ya her smile made me do so..

but the things were nt going as smooth as they should have been...

she likes me i knw... but thats nt enough for a girl to be in...


anyways..finally the day was there,,, i made it and started the intro...

she was too shy or act to do so ;)
anyways.. with too much pressure we started off...

she was on the way to her hometown...

I dont know where we are heading..buts I was not that much comfertable with her as of now..
or i think so.. she is ignoring me..

what ever be the case.. i just pray ki yeh jaldi clear ho jaye...
mujhe nahi pata wo kya chahti hai..

bt i feel its very thin line .. jab aap kisi ke liye try karte ho ..ya wo soche ki..aap uske piche pade ho..

Anyways,, every body talk about patience.. and i think that the worst thing and i dont have any idea about it,..

just wait and watch, what is coming my way,,
:)

a sweet tweeet

Har taraf shor ussi naam ka hai duniya mein
koi uss ko jo pukaaray, tto pukaaray kaisay
- Javed aktar sahab..

enemy friends can be your friends, so choose either one....

I dont know...
Kuch nahi
bas jo bhi ho raha hai
acha hi ho raha hai..

jo bhi hoga acha hi hoga...



But sayad ab mmaine toot gaya hu...
bahut hass liya ,. bahut ro liya...
ab sayad kuch nahi...

lonely... be practical...

Sach maine ,.. sayad maine kisi ka bahut bura kiya hoga,...
aaj bahut buri tarah feel kar raha hu.. akele pan ka...

kuch to hu.. aur kuch kara diya gaya hu...

mujhe alag ho jana chaiye...
sab se...
mujhe a certain distance bana lena chahiye,,,
maine yeh bhi nahi kar sakta hu...

meri himat nahi hai
i know

maine ek aisa prani hu... jo baar ek hi cheez se hurt hota hu,.. aur phir wohi karta hu...

maine wo hu jo.. kisi dusare ki galati se kya.../
apni galti se bhi nahi seekh paate hai...


anyways....
aaj maine yeh likh raha hu
aur mujhe pata hai.. kal fir se yahi likhuga,,,,,
2 din dhukhi ahuga,,, phir.... same galti karne ke liye tayar dubara,...


aaaj bahut gussa aa raha hai,,,
itna ki sayad maine apne aap ko chot pahucha lu...

aur kyu nahi...

ya to God test kar raha hai... ya... mere kiye ki saaza de raha hai...


sach maine , sach bol raha hu
thak gaya hu,,,.. kasam se... maaf kar do... please......

i dont know what i have done....
but... aise mere saath nahi hona chahiye......
eek galti batao....
ekk pleasee......
apat.... maine uski baat nahi suni break up ke time...
maine jaldi move on kar gaya...

ya maine .... usse ignoroe kar diya...

kya wo aruri nahi tha..
kya wo ... time ki demand nahi thi...
kya ....
please boliyue na... maine koi galat kiya,.,..


lets leave.... it... aaj ... maine akela hu... aur mujhe akele hi sahan karna hai....

likin yadi possible ho to please .. yeh situation jaldi sahi kar do.....

nahi .. aap jo bhi karna meri bhalai ke liye karna...

jo bhi acha ho...
but please bhagwan jaldi karna nahi to ...
bikar jauga,,,,
ab himat jawab de rahi... roz ek hi cheez ke liye apne aap ko saaza deta hu..

trying to be perfect....

tryng ki saurabh jaan bhugh ke galat nahi kar sakta ..

anyways.,,,,

likin aap se maine baad maine yahi boluga.... maine kabhi ko chot nahi di...

but Bhagwan ab maine act nahi kar pauga...
sayad...

ho sake to mujhe maaf kar dena....
ab maine auro ki khusi apne aap ko aur nahi effort maar sakta....

mujhe kisi se koi matlab nahi
lets be practical.. office maine koi dost nahi....
kaha hai na ,... be praxticall.......
practicall.......
Bhagwan ji maine sach maine bahut ...................................

please giv me courage, patience and strength........

and if i have done something wrong on the way please forgive me...

but i have changed,,,,,,
i have chaged a lot...

wo sauabh nahi raha ...jisse apne aap se pyar tha....