i think.. it really does not matter..

it not a very long time we started talking...
but we are not having any think ...

atleast i am lossing the eagerness to talk...

i dont know why..
might i am looking for something special..
or might be expecting a lot in the last few days ..thats why getting hurt...

simply that i am not understanding ...

leave it..

few more days.. i will try..
but i still remember those words .. when she said..

aapko bura to lagta hai ..pa sachai yahi hai.. mujhe kya fara padta hai..

straight forward vs hard words...

after we had a chat in the wind tunnel..
we had small chats...
one day i messaged in the morning

"GM.. suno.. if possible join us for the lunch .. we would be having kadi chawal"

she joined us fo the lunch..
i was difficult for me as i am not myself in front of her..

anyways..
she sweet said.. "its nice".
Thanks was my answer..thats all we had chat on that day...


another day passed..

it was friday afternoon i decided that now i would be totally following her..

i called after lunch.. and ask to spare some time if free...
she came basement to meet me.. but this time she was along with her friend..

though i little bit awkward.. but was fine with me...
we had some lovely chat.. and came to conclusion that.. people from Art of living are also human beings... :) and also love watching movies..

anyways suddenly her friend said they should leave and they did..


in the evening... shekhar was here..
after some gr8 cookkingggg... i called her.. (10:30..approx)..

and we continue,, to chat..

office..
hobbies,.(though i dont have any... i recently came to know duing call)..
and all that ...
she also toold me that.. its quite evident that i get conciuos when she is around..
(ya i agree openly)..
she also told me during the lunch on that day i looked every where except for her.. to be specific..i look left..right.. down ..up above her head.. but.."..
and at her PG she and her roommate ..made a huge laugh abt it..

any ways its fine..

also..
her friend who accompnied her during evening told her.."see that guy really like us..its quite evident from his eyes".. she replied sweetly... "i know that dear, that he likes me...".



finally as always some serious stuff..
"saurabh, do u really think so we should talk like this on regular basis"..

do u have any issues with it... i have decided some thing and i want both of us to give some time.. thats how i feel ..if u r not upto....then i can force u.. but..

see...the thing is that.. mujhe kya farak padta hai....
but one day i would marry a guy chosen by my family .. and by that i dont want to hurt u...

(mujhe kya farak padta hai... they are really hard word... but she straight forward.. its fine..)

ya ok but atleast on that day u will compare me with him and would decide..

(so stupid of me.. i need to wait till that to make her reliase...stupid of u saurabh)..

ya but fir bhi saurabh ..i want to make it very clear.. its nothing from my side..
and its ok we talk .. but mujhe sach maine kuch farak nahi padta,,,
(again..these are hard,,does it really not matter to her.. anyways,...she is very straight forward.. buts its fin.,..)

fir bhi chalo maine fir bhi aapko call karuga..if u wish and feel comfertable u can talk..
at least i have decide some thing and i want to follow it/...less is left for destiny...
atleast i want to follow somehting..

saurabh u need to understand... aap khayali pulao.. bana rakha hai..aur app...

(nnow its done.. actuallly they were hard...)

ok.. fine.. chalo acha... ab sote hai gud nite..

nahi ab aap phone nahi rakhoge...i am sorry.. i dont meant it...

1 min silencee..

its fine..

nahi i am really sorry..

ok dear its fine,.. we will talk later...

no i really mean it... i am sorry..

ok chalo gud nite

gud nite...

though it was followed by a sweet sorry messaage..
then i called her and ask her to sleep and not to worry she again sweetly replied..

arre neend to aa jayegi uski cinta nahi karo aap..,,. mujhe to bed pe latete hi need aa jaati..

ok.. i though u were little bit distured after the last conversation so though of giving u call and ask to sleep tension les..:)))


any that long serious conversation...
it hurt me....
any ways,,, was it a straight forwad attitude or some thing else..
i knw she is sweet but is she...
or she mean something.. and say something else...

jo bhi hai..
i would keep trying..
might be...

though she keep on hitting me... if she is not really interested and u r making her to do so... is it right...
yadi wo tujhse pyar nahi karti to.. kyu... apne familly se ladd kar yeh kar raaha hai,,
only point u gave in the starting was she is sweet and she likes u... but do she really like u/..?/

shekhar said to check this out...
there is very small difference between straight forward,, or have hard words to hit some one..

u are not liking some one..being at home...
and u says.. u leave now,, as i am not liking u...

its is not straught forward,, its ill mannared....


jo bhi...
as of now.,.. i want to try.. though.. i am lacking that spirits,,
because she is not showing me any interest...
and might be she is correct...
"usse kya farak padta hai..." ............ :(((

finally we had a chat..

in the evening i was quite disappointed with the fact that.. nothing is happening..

so i finaallly decided to call her up and ask for some time..
my main objective was to clear my point of view...and see if its of any hope..

i called her.. she said she is busy but would calll soon...

for a change as committed she gave me a call...
and asked me if i am free can join in the wind tunnel..

i was on my way for a meeting.. but could nt say a no..(no prize for guessing),..

we then had a chat..

its was quite ok type nothing great nothing bad..
but i put my point..
she also did..

along with it we talk about some stupit PL's and their job..
but nothing special..

the only think she wants time...
that i dont have ,.. even if buy some from my destiny...
she wont be cozy untill she has an interest of chatting/meeting with me up..

not lets see howz it goes...

but the only think bothering me is that,'have i done any think wrong... '

i hope this question dont come up in latter stage..

I just want her smile for life long..

going against it..

finall i decided to go against what i have decided earlier...
anyways...

this is what i thought to drop by
but was not possible..

Hi,

I just called u up to say that i am quite upset with what all is going on these day with me..
I tried to forget but its not possible for me..
and finally I decided that i would go against my destiny ..
though i know its quite risky.. but want to take it.. because i am also not happy the other way round.

I totally agree to your point that I am going too fast and we should just start beign friend and smooth process should go on..

The problem is i haven't thought like that, I want to give u and myself enough time to decide what our fate. But I dont know what happens in last two days with you. i found a lot difference between the one and last day..

Anyways just in simple words,i want to tell u that, 'I like you' and want to make it very clear that I am proceeding in the same direction.


I dont know what to say but this what i have as of now..
I want you to think and do respond..
Just remember one think you can trust me and i wont be lying at all at any moment of time..
And if at all any such scenerio would hit me i would inform u well ahead...

Regards,



waitied for something to happen on its own..

i lost my wish to my destiny..

the time has finished there no chances that I would be getting a call now..
i wont mind saying that i am disheartened.. totally..

she was sweet ... sry, I mean she is sweet but I think i am not upto it..

whatever be the reason..
I quit...

there would be very less posibility that i would be turning back..

But seriously want to ask my destiny what the reason behind this ..and why ...
leave it...

I still believe..(sry, thinks) whatever happens for its own good....

destiny

today she is back from her hometown..
nothing changed... I was waiting for some call or xyz... but nothing happened..

I cant do like anyother boy.. ki piche pad jaate hai...
hamesha call sms and all that..

i need to wait for some signal.. to proceed further..

and i was missing that...
she is too straight.... waise sach bolo to itna nahi hona chahiye..

koi na...

finally during lunch she crossed me..
she float a smile and same did I.

nothing else..

fianlly after a huge discussion with my friends..
I called her..

Hi ***
Hi...

Had your lunch..
yes..

Have u gone back upstair..
no.. i am just walking in the coridors with my friends..

Okes, was just asking so howsz.... by the way.. if you r busy then we can talk later...

yes actually with friends would call later..bye..
bye..


ssame response..
yaar itna nahi..this is actuallly a little more..
now there can only be following reasons..

> ignoring me..
>attitude..
>taking her sweet time to adjust..

for the first 2 reason i think i should stop trying..
and for the last whoes possibility is quite less.ss.s... i should keep trying..

but for that u should have that signal ..which is missing like anything..
i have started feeling..that she is not interested..
though could not believe it as I dont find any specific reason in previous 3-4 days..which can lead to this scenerio.

Anyways..
as discussed..
I have left for destiny...
If she dont call even today..
then i think we should call it an ...

she is really sweet..
and her smile...can do anything or made me to do anythink...

but ....

I pray.. i got a call today.. otherwise.. its destiny...
please God...
please...

new,,,

its a long time... and seriously along time when i am to pen down somthing just to take that out...

I dont now what is happening with me...
but something good is happening thats all I know till know..

I got transfered to Noida... I dont like it...the new place.. the new people..
Noida is stupid place..where i felt everybody just want to be at big bazar to buy stuff in GIP..

anyways who the helll cares.. I dont like that...and i am not here to write anything abt bigbazar..

I got a nice roommate... who is gud as an over alll flat mate is consider..
thanks to God.. he made it easy to find..one..

after few days.. I got promopted to ITA..
is a huge change...in life..
to be an ITA in 3 years in TCS is remarkable and seriously it is...

though i still found something was missing in life...
i could nt understand what was actually missing...
i got my landmark which i set on joining the company..

bu what nexxt..

noida was proving to be a good place for me...

it started off well..
people like the work i was delivering...
and i was acknowledged...

but still something was missing...

was something special was there in Noida 2 that i was made to shift to noida..


I dont know..
i keep on wondering why...

my teammate was okes types.. as it was a mixture of gud..ok..and bad..

Neha became a friend of mine...
and introduced me to a friend of her.. Stuti..

and later in the evening give an idea to think abt it..

i was already in love with the sweet smile she carry along with her...
i found the offer quite impressive when they told abt her in detail..

then I keep Neha bugging to make me see her..
but Stuti was not interesed...she want to get away from the situation..
and dont waant to indulge in any..knoe what

Neha and one of her other friends..put a condition for me..
they ask me to loose..4 kg in a month and then they will ask her to meet me..

i did every thing,,
was on sprouts..and fruits totally to meet the target,,
though target was not easy.. but my dedication made it look physically easy.. ;)


finally i was informed that i should try and not let her go like this..

but i could nt still make efforts to start tallking..




the issue was not about courage only... but also about caste...
she was sinha...the only caste my family wwas bothered most..

anyways I went to family and was finally able to convience them..
i still dont knw why i did that but ya her smile made me do so..

but the things were nt going as smooth as they should have been...

she likes me i knw... but thats nt enough for a girl to be in...


anyways..finally the day was there,,, i made it and started the intro...

she was too shy or act to do so ;)
anyways.. with too much pressure we started off...

she was on the way to her hometown...

I dont know where we are heading..buts I was not that much comfertable with her as of now..
or i think so.. she is ignoring me..

what ever be the case.. i just pray ki yeh jaldi clear ho jaye...
mujhe nahi pata wo kya chahti hai..

bt i feel its very thin line .. jab aap kisi ke liye try karte ho ..ya wo soche ki..aap uske piche pade ho..

Anyways,, every body talk about patience.. and i think that the worst thing and i dont have any idea about it,..

just wait and watch, what is coming my way,,
:)